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Our 8 year old daughter announced her plan to have an unplanned baby when she is a teenager.  It was a beautiful 70 degree afternoon.  We finished brunch and on our way to the car she declared that when she accidentally has a baby when she is a teenager, she will not be giving it away to the place where we donated the sandbox earlier this year.  We did not explain that the place she was thinking of actually takes in the homeless teen mother as well as the infant.  We instead went right to the discouragement tack.  Yes, we went there.

Now, I have plenty of experience reasoning with grade-schoolers.  In fact, I am 0-for-100 and something. Which means I have a lot of experience but I always lose. That didn’t stop me, though.  It’s like when she was 6 and wanted to make “soup”.  As a 21st century parent, I like to encourage experimentation.  Instead of disallowing dumb stuff, I generally try to present all of the considerations – people may not like that much pepper, the bread will  get soggy, the gummy worms will just melt and dissolve.  She is never deterred.  She just says, “okay. well, I’m going to do it anyway.”

So, we went down that road.  

“you know, if you have a baby, you can’t go to college”

“I will take the baby with me to college”

“they won’t let you bring your baby to college”

“I’ll get a babysitter”

“How will you pay for a babysitter?”

“Lemonade stand”

“how will you run a lemonade stand when you have a baby?”

“you can have a baby at a lemonade stand”

It was about at this point that I realized we were headed for, “okay. well I’m going to do it anyway.”  So, we just stopped.  We still have lots of time before motherhood – accidental, planned/unplanned or not – is even anatomically possible, right?

Someone told me that she could start her lady stuff as soon as 10 years old.  Less than 2 years from now.  

I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS! SHE STILL CALLS ME DADA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHO DO I NEED TO CONTACT TO GET THIS CHANGED??

Anyway, i’ve started interviewing families with young boys.  I figure if it’s going to accidentally happen, I might as well pick a family that’s good at hosting family get-togethers.  We are going to be sharing grand-babies after all…

Nothing brings people together like a common enemy. Except maybe a good old fashioned perp takedown.
When the government let loose the hounds of war on the people of Boston they accomplished something no political speech could ever do : they brought liberals and conservatives together. One big compliant voice cheering the ushering in of the era of the police state.
As evidence, I submit the comments of my friends. Liberals and conservatives alike implying my questions about the takedown are paranoid, wrong, ill-informed.
Why? I asked myself.
Well, in any news event, we all look for how it corroborates our world view. I, for example, am guilty as charged. Of course the big-government-hating libertarian is going to cringe at the show of enormous government force. Of course images of people’s homes being forcibly searched and crowds cheering paramilitary troops in our streets is fodder for my liberty-loving world view.
But why do my friends on opposite ends from each other on most arguments now agree on this one?
For liberals, the Boston takedown is among the best evidence that government – big, well funded government – is necessary. I saw a couple of empty suits on Meet the Press calling for more funding of the domestic security force (i.e. standing army turned homeward). Don’t misunderstand the modern liberal. Their’s is not the philosophy of peace. They love a good storm trooper takedown as much as the next guy.
Conservatives love the images of a rapid, testosterone fueled military takedown. They point to this as an example of security through overwhelming force. Got nothing to hide? Then why worry about police taking a peak in your home?
Believe me. I get it. It has taken a lot from me over the years to become more objective. Eight years ago I would have been waving my flag as well. But I haven’t traded my flag in for a tinfoil hat either. Far from it. That flag and a vision for a free future for my children is the reason I ask questions. I’ve gone from stubborn Bush apologist to full time skeptic. That was not an easy transition for me.
So if I can do it, so can you. I’m not saying you will agree with me. My philosophy is pretty radical. But I am saying that you can allow yourself to ask questions. Maybe you will still feel that responses like Boston are justified. But maybe you will ask questions that keep that overwhelming power in check.
But I digress.
Thanks Westboro Baptist. And thanks paramilitary storm troopers. It feels good to see people come together.

We need those nutty Westboro Baptist Church people. We need to feel like we are doing something. When our brave heroes are coming home in a coffin, we need to do something. We need to feel like we are in some small way honoring them. In the face of senseless, insane tragedy like the Boston bombings, we feel helpless. How can we honor those who died? How can we stand in defiance to evil?

Without those wacky “God Hates Fags” characters, we would be left empty and wondering where to direct our anger. We’ve tried being angry at dictators, at our own president, at “terrorists”, at those two college kids from Russia. But still. We need an active foe. Thank God for those goofballs from Kansas.

The Patriot Guard. They are truly a ballsy group of hard riding heroes. They stand up to those brainwashed walking contradictions. It strikes me that Westboro could not have chosen a topic more likely to bring us together. Piss off liberals with your homosexual-hating ways. Piss off conservatives with your soldier-hating ways. Give Libertarians an example to point to of how hate can be confronted without government infringing on free-speech. Westboro has a right to protest. The Patriot Guard has a right to stand around and keep you from disturbing grieving families.

Need is a funny word. Maybe we don’t need them. But they do provide us a walking, breathing, hate-spewing outlet for our anger.

Commuting this morning and a pile of ducklings in the middle of 38th street got 3 lanes of traffic to stop and live life for a minute. It took me a few beats to figure out why we were stopped. Then I saw them. About a baker’s dozen baby ducks waddling like little drunk people around three lanes of traffic. And we all stopped. And nobody honked. Or tried to go around. Three or four of us got out to help mamma get her children out of harm’s way. She was in the median pretending to be easier prey to lure us away from her errant youth. But we’re smarter than the predators for which evolution had prepared her. And more compassionate. A fireman and a couple samaritans gathered up babies while I herded mamma and a stumbling runt to the side of the road. One of the civilians was on her cell phone the whole time but could not have seemed more concerned for those ducks. We got the job done and I made some quip about parents these days. The fireman told mamma duck not to try that again.

Just when I least expected it, a pile of baby ducks and a few commuter – who remembered to act like human beings -decided to warm my heart this morning.

1. If they knew the guy from 2 years ago, why did they need to publicize his picture to know who he was?
2. What exactly went down with the campus security guy who was killed? Did he engage them or did they engage him?
3. Why didn’t these “armed and extremely dangerous” guys harm the carjack victim?
4. How did two college kids get the money and training to pull this off?
5. Did the cops know that suspect 2 was alone and in Watertown? If so, why was Boston locked down?
6. Did the police have warrants for the door to door searches?
7. Why didn’t suspect 2 attack the civilian who found him in the boat? Why didn’t he run once he knew he was made?
8. Why did the authorities lift the “shelter in place” order when they did? Even though the dangerous terrorist had not yet been caught?
9. Was the federal government involved in the armed response?
10. Why has the federal government decided on the charges instead of the state or local government?
11. Why did the FBI take over the investigation?
12. When will we see paramilitary troops on the streets of our town?

Tomorrow I will post offensive jokes…

It’s been a few days now since that guy in Boston was caught. You know the standard narrative. Dangerous terrorists on the loose. Extraordinary but necessary steps taken. Hero cops take them down. I am surprised at how completely and thoroughly many of us a are buying that narrative. Proud and thrilled we arr. It makes me worried about the future. People cheering the paramilitary troops, gladly being on lockdown, house to house searches – overwhelming public support for this disproportionate response. Just as demands for federal involvement after Katrina invited federal oversight of “homeland security”, these chants of “U-S-A!” will forever change how the government views its limits (or lack thereof) in times of so-called crisis. We all should have been shocked. These paramilitary units were conducting door to door searches of people’s houses. People were ordered to stay indoors. No travel, no business. All over Boston. And the troops were cheered afterwards. “Great job troops! We will gladly give up our dignity and freedom so that we can feel safe!” Safe from what? A killer that we were told to fear. A killer that the government let slip through their fingers. Killers who they already knew about and who were able to stroll onto the scene with crockpots filled with explosives. So, what was so dangerous? After the bombs, these two had 3 days to kill and didn’t – until the FBI tipped them off that they were onto them. Then they killed a cop. They carjacked a civilian and didn’t lay a finger on them. They kept the civilian’s cell phone and the police tracked it to Watertown. Come on! They teach you on the first day of bad guy school to toss the cell phone. Anyway, the most dangerous time for the civilians was when the police fired hundreds of rounds in a residential neighborhood toward a guy who was nearly neutralized already. In fact, a resident found him in the boat. He didn’t attack the resident. He didn’t flee while he had the chance. He stayed in the boat. Docile.
So, I am not exactly proud or thrilled. I have more questions than anything. I will list my questions in a future post. Maybe those of you who watch the evening news will be able to provide me with some answers 😉

Remember those guys on variety shows that spun plates on those sticks?  How many would they spin at a time?  4? 5?  Was that a trick or were they really able to keep four or five plates spinning at the same time?

Seems like if I tried that, I would forget about two or three of the plates at a time.  I feel like I would run to a wobbly one, concentrate on it for too long.  But, get it going at least.  But in that time, another plate would start wobbling. I”d run over there and of course another one would wobble and maybe fall.

Those guys on those shows are good at it, though.  They move from plate to plate gracefully.  Not focussing on one for too long, but just long enough.  Then he moves on to the next and so on.

Is it practice or is it just that he knows and feels in his gut that he will keep all of those plates going?

I’m back in Indy and I have some stuff to tell you…

1. The next few days and weeks are very important.  To honor requests for privacy, I am not posting why, but I can say that things are much better than they were a few days ago…
2. Determination beats technique every time.
3. Sometimes you are needed at a time and place before those that need you know it.  Often before you know it.  Follow your gut.  I followed mine north.
4. If you are driving in the dark in the rain and you are listening to Justin Timberlake on your earbuds, you might have these thoughts:  “The spray from that truck makes it hard to see; I’m going to pass him.  It’s still hard to see.  Maybe road grease, time to spray some juice on the windshield.  Still hard to see. Let’s turn the wiper on high.  Shit, something must be wrong.  Let’s pause the music.  Hmmm.  That rain is torrential.  Hard to tell that with JT crooning in my ears.”
5. Good thing I was still hopped up on adrenaline when I got home.  I got to unclog the sump pump so the basement would not get flooded; I unloaded the groceries; sandbagged the garage/basement door; and gave hugs and kisses to my sweety.
6. This Guinness is just what I needed.

Maybe I’ll think of something profound or funny to post tomorrow.  Until then, that’s post 39 on day 42…

Some days it’s hard to know what to do. You know what works for me on days like that? I take a deep breath, let it out nice and slow, and I just be me.
Being me (you know, courageous, open, caring, funny, joyful) is usually enough. Somehow – I don’t know how – I end up doing things that are helpful.
My advice to others: on days when you don’t know what to do, just be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman.