1. If I didn’t catch what you said, I will ask you to repeat it up to two times. After that I’ll make something up and answer the question I pretended you asked.

2. Nobody remembers anybody’s name. Let’s start speaking in third person and dispense with the fantasy that me remembering your name means I like you more.

3. I’m sorry I cut you off and made you miss your turn. But we don’t have a standard signal for “sorry. my bad.” So please put that finger away and let me continue ignoring you.

4. Thanks for holding the door for me. But since I was still 10 yards away from the door, I had to do that little fake jog thing to create the appearance of not holding you up, which really negated any benefit you holding the door was supposed to bring.

Feel free to add any I might have missed.