How I Imagine My Future

When I decided to have the ACL surgery, I immediately began to imagine how it would go. Not how the surgery itself would go but how the recovery period would go.  I imagined me laying on the sofa, unable to get up.  Sleeping. Convalescing. It was odd. I found myself picturing not how the surgery would improve my athleticism or my ability to play with my kids. I wasn’t picturing me in rehab, working my ass off.  I wasn’t imagining me skiing for the first time in 3 years.  I was fantasizing about the part where I’m laying around and having people look after me.  It’s an interesting thing.  I could have decided to have gall bladder surgery.  Or a big toe transplant.  What I was having done, or rather the benefit of what I was having done, did not enter into my mind for several days. Only that for several days I would be unable to be responsible for much of anything.  And that would be sweet relaxation for me.

“What was that about?” I asked myself today. I suspect it has something to do with my day to day grind.  Every day, I feel responsible for something and/or someone.  Kids, wife, home, project team, friends.  I am gratefully depended upon by people.  I say gratefully because I think it is in my genes to want to be important to people.  My mama and my daddy thrive on serving others.  Being there for others is as important as air for them.  And they’ve passed that trait on to me.  There is one trait, though, that I did not inherent and that I was able to develop on my own.  I think it is a love for being lazy once in a while.  I won’t lie.  I am not dreading laying around for a few days.

After a few days of that daydream, I decided that it was not the best plan for getting my knee back to sand volleyball shape.  I decided to begin imagining me skiing. Sandvolleyballing.  Running around and playing soccer with my girls.  That was nice.  But there was a section of future memory that I needed to begin imagining before I got to the running around part.  That’s another post.  A post called pain.

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